It’s been a long time since I’ve found actual words to write — since last summer, really. There were several times I put together the posts about my life and what I was working on and going through between last August and now, and the dull, never-ending anxiety within made me delete every single word. I can’t describe it, really… something just hasn’t felt right. And that’s my excuse for the slew of collage posts and the occasional playlist.
Last year, I wrote words upon words about moving to New York. It was whole-heartedly, truly what I wanted (still do, someday). But 2014 was one of those struggle buses of a year — I struggled with freelance projects, the job, the job hunt, friendships, and romance. And most of all, I struggled in balancing all of that with wanting a fresh start… in a different city. Nothing felt like it fit quite perfectly, and I was stuck in so many ruts… ruts that left me feeling slightly off-kilter. And while I was constantly seeking something, making adjustments, that would correct that lack of balance, the solutions I found only seemed to subtract. If this doesn’t make sense, I guess I was just frustrated with lots of things, all of the things, little bits here and there in almost every aspect of my life.
Flash forward to today. There are still several ruts, and it’s easy to get frustrated sometimes. I caught myself, though, in conversation with one of my closest friends, where we both ended up in or on the verge of tears — and I remembered that I have so many things to be thankful for. I’ve switched careers several times, and I have an unbelievable level of independence. I’ve traveled near and far, and will continue to do so. I found a way to turn my passions and my hobbies into the very things that allow me to live and enjoy living. I’ve strengthened the relationships that mean so much to me, and will hopefully build upon ones that don’t exist yet.
A lot of friends have been asking me about the blog lately. In fact, like four of them mentioned it in the past week alone. And this is something I’ve struggled with, too.
In the past few months, I’ve taken on what essentially has been a distant, unreachable fantasy job since I started Sweetsonian (and in DC, nonetheless). There were balmy, stormy evenings in 2009, on my group house balcony where I would eat almond ice cream with Rachel, or smoke hookah with Kristen at unreasonable hours of the night. I loved blogging; it was my creative outlet, and it was fun to think out loud about the prospects of being able to focus all of my time and energy on food. More in the words of “hey, wouldn’t it be cool to get paid to take photos of food all day? Hahahaha. HA.”
And now, I do. It’s weird, and wonderful, and exhausting, and I love it all the same. On the flip side, it’s left me with significantly less time and energy for keeping up a food blog. When I first started, cooking and photography were the hobbies I adopted as my creative outlets, while working in my non-creative jobs. These days, I spend my weekends doing non-creative things, a necessary break. So, I’ve decided to step away from Sweetsonian for the time being. Of course, this site will stay here, but more often than not, I’ll be working on photography for work, samurai sudoku, or spending my free time with those I love, and most of all, resting my brain.
I do plan on starting another space to share my projects in-progress, most likely in the generic “photography” realm. So this is not good-bye. But I do want to thank you for reading, listening, commenting, and eating this food. This blog has given me such a wonderful zone to channel creativity, happiness, sadness, excitement, anxiety, and love. This might be my last post, but who knows. I don’t know what the future has in store for me. I will, however, continue to be on instagram and twitter, and if you ever reach out to me — for planning your trips to DC, for restaurant suggestions, or just to say hey — I’ll be around.
Thank you so, so much. Xo.